We Wrote About Online Dating—and the Claws Came Out

Assumptions were challenged. Shit hit the fan.

Image: Jeannie Phan

→ Read the full essay on PROVOKED

Editor’s Note: Off-Script—the why, what, and oh sh*t moments behind this article.

I started PROVOKED to give women over 50 a place that sparks hard conversations, torches stereotypes, and refuses to let aging equal irrelevance.

So when writer Nicole Pajer pitched an interview with online dating coach Andrea McGinty, I thought: solid service piece. Practical advice for navigating the hellscape that is midlife dating.

And it is that. Andrea’s no bullshit. She tells it straight—sometimes the problem isn’t the apps, the algorithms, or the general decline of civilization. It’s you. Or at least how you’ve been playing the game.

Then shit hit the fan.

Comments rolled in fast. The article was wrong. The apps are trash. There are no good men left on the planet. Fine. We encourage those conversations. Sometimes that is the case.

But then came the personal attacks on Nicole.

Not for her interview questions. Not for her credentials—which include bylines at some of the biggest publications on the planet. But for how “young” she looked. Based on one picture they saw on the masthead.

One picture.

And the claws came out.

Here’s what I couldn’t stop thinking: If this story had been softer—if it told women they were right and the dating world is just broken beyond repair—would those same women have left those comments? Or if Nicole had looked older? Grayer? Less threatening?

Nope.

But because someone dared to suggest they might need to shift their approach, they went for the cheapest, cruelest shot available—perpetuating the exact “mean girl” trope we’ve spent decades trying to dismantle.

I removed the offensive comments. Reached out privately. Because I encourage dialogue, but I don’t allow degradation.

And Andrea—unprompted—left her own rebuttal that says exactly what needs to be said:

Sometimes it’s not them. It’s you.

In more ways than one.

Read the full piece here.