The Quiet Power of Dressing With Intention
Caring about what you wear isn’t shallow. It’s strategic. And women? They have … opinions.
→ Read the full essay on PROVOKED
Editor’s Note: Off-Script—the why, what, and oh sh*t moments behind this article.
I have a closet full of designer labels.
I like to look good.
I know firsthand that how I look when I enter a room, often as the only woman, matters, even though that’s complete bullsh*t.
And we keep telling women that clothes don’t matter right up until they do. Right up until you’re labeled as “trying too hard,” “letting herself go,” “not polished enough,” or “too polished,” whatever the hell that means.
The contradiction is exhausting, and it gets sharper in middle age when visibility itself starts to feel like a pair of suffocating Spanx.
So when writer Melissa Gould pitched this, I was … intrigued, but I wondered if she had the bite I knew we needed for this. Her writing is always endearing and engaging. But for this topic, I wanted more.
And the first draft did come in too soft and too careful. It would’ve been just another article about what women wear and the pressure and empty platitudes that could be found anywhere. That’s not PROVOKED.
Because the tension women feel around getting dressed isn’t polite—it’s loaded.
So we went through edits, then pivots, then revised drafts, and even more pivots. I pushed for sharper language and clearer stakes because I knew we had to get this exactly right.
And if I do say so myself—which I do—I think we did.
The piece talks about “quiet power,” but the response was loud. Readers came in hot on both sides of the fashion fence with almost 50 comments, and this remains one of our most popular pieces to date.
Some were on the writer’s side:
“Your essay recalls the Italian concept of ‘la bella figura’: Recognizing that you owe both yourself and your audience your best look.”
“I’ve never felt value in going out looking like I just got out of bed. Why not be THAT person who exudes the power to draw positivity and maybe even a little envy? Why not experience a little personal ‘high’ when you receive a compliment?”
Then there’s Abby, my managing editor, who lives in workout pants and sweatshirts. Her intention is comfort, and she doesn’t give a single shit what anyone thinks. Plenty of readers feel the same way:
“I’m boggled with the words used here, as if you cannot dress with intent and wear black linen pants or jeans or a hoodie. ‘Well dressed’—what does that mean? They are not words that matter to me. Maybe there are others like myself who also find clothes, and others’ judgement of them, irritating.”
That’s exactly why we published this.
Because the idea that showing up with intention—whatever that looks like for you—is a conversation worth having.
And to echo Melissa’s closing line, “I’m here for it.”