I Judge You if You Don’t Return Your Grocery Cart
A small rant. A big truth. And the piece published without edits. If you don't agree, you're part of the problem.
→ Read the full essay on PROVOKED
Editor’s Note: Off-Script—the why, what, and oh sh*t moments behind this article.
There’s something I can’t keep quiet about anymore.
The polite rules of society don’t vanish the second you set foot in a grocery store.
If you think express lane etiquette is negotiable, you pick up frozen pizza and abandon it in the shampoo aisle like some kind of conceptual art installation, and your cart has a mind of its own—usually blocking an aisle or claiming a parking spot—then congratulations.
You’re the antagonist of every decent human’s weekly food run.
Abby Heugel—our managing editor who’s at the store so often they greet her by name—feels our pain. She considers throwing a shoulder at someone ambling down the middle of an aisle like they’re touring the Sistine Chapel. She silently (or not so silently) curses the cart abandoners, aisle hogs, and checkout creepers who treat the “20 items or less” sign like a loose suggestion.
The second I read this piece from her? I had no notes. No edits.
It was sharp, unfiltered, and packed with just enough righteous fury to make you feel seen somewhere between Aisle 8 and the checkout lane from hell.
Our readers agreed. Hard. Even now—months after publication—comments still roll in with grocery store horror stories and solidarity rants.
Because here at PROVOKED, we encourage you to own your space. And sometimes that means the last two feet of the checkout conveyor belt, the express lane, and yes—returning your damn cart.